When All Is Lost
by Liveyourdaydream
Summary: 16 year old Alexandra Winchester's life falls apart after Dean is dragged to hell and struggles to cope landing her at Ocean Park Hospital. Everyone thinks that when you go to a hospital, life stops. But it's really the opposite. Life starts. But is this start really what Alex wants? Will Sam ever be able to get through to her and help his sister?


Everyone has two stories: The one they want you to know and the one they don't. The story I don't want people to know, my real story, is a complicated one - but only to someone who hasn't lived it. People get hung up on stuff that doesn't really matter, until something that matters really happens. When you're in a hospital trying to get better, the most important part of you that needs to survive is _you_ ; nothing else. However, I lost myself a long time ago to a lifestyle I loved. And yes that was past tense. I _loved_ it but I don't anymore. The lifestyle I grew up with lost me so much and I've reached breaking point: I can't do it anymore...I can't do anything.

* * *

"So how are you today Alex?" Dr Nichols asks and I shrug.

I hate therapy. I hate talking about my feelings and opening up to someone I barely know. I mean...I've known her three months but we only see each other once a week so that's twelve visits total.

"Look...I'm not here to judge you okay, and I'm not going to hurt you. You're safe to open up to me about anything you want to talk about, I'm here to listen." She tries and I sigh.

"I have nothing I want to talk about." My response is blunt and full of finality but she doesn't back down.

"What about Dean? You haven't spoken about him at all since you got here."

Dean. I miss him.

"He's dead. There's nothing to say." She stays silent which I can't take. "Are we done?" I ask and with a glance at the clock she nods and I quickly leave.

Here's the thing about a hospital. Everyone has somewhere to go and something to do, and you'd better not get in their way. That's the excuse I use for therapy - she has better things she could do...all I do is get in the way of a good job she could be doing with someone else but that person is not me.

We've got this far and still I haven't even explained why I'm here and I warn you, it's a bit of a long story so I'm going to cut it short for you (well...as short as I can): my family used to hunt supernatural creatures (yes they exist and I'm not crazy although I'll never admit to anyone they're real otherwise people may start to think I _am_ actuallycrazy). Anyway, we hunt the supernatural, it's dangerous and I've lost a lot along the way. My step mom (I guess is what you could call her...I don't really know, she died before I was born) was murdered by a demon. My dad died saving my brother. My biological mom died saving me. My older brother Sam was murdered but then my other older brother Dean (I know, so many boys in my life) went and sold his freakin' soul to a crossroads demon to save Sam...so Dean got dragged down to hell leaving Sam and I alone. All of that is what lead up to me being here at Ocean Park Hospital. When Dean died it's like a piece of me died as well and suddenly I didn't care about anything. I stopped eating, I stopped sleeping; I stopped talking. I couldn't cope. Sam couldn't cope with me. That's why I'm here: because I became too much to handle. But why of all the places am I at a hospital? Well...after I stopped eating it became a habit to not eat but it wasn't until I came here that I was diagnosed with Anorexia Nervosa. On top of this I was barely sleeping, if at all, causing a rise in my blood pressure which is also known as hypotension - so I'm being treated for both and they've told me time and time again I could make myself even more sick if I keep this up but I don't know how to stop. Dean had always been a constant in my life. Even when everyone else left he never did. I need Dean but I don't have him because now he's left me too.

Making it back to my room I sit down on my bed cross legged and simply stare out of the window. I used to think maybe one day I'd see Dean's 1967 Chevy Impala roll up towards the hospital but I know I never will.

"Hey." A voice says from behind me.

I turn around to come face to face with my roommate Emma Chota. Emma was destined for greatness, but her eating disorder kept getting in her way. She too, like me suffers from Anorexia Nervosa and it's nice having someone else my age who understands what it's really like. We're really close even though I still shut her out sometimes but she's learnt to accept that's just the way I am, like our disorders are just the way we are.

"Hi." I respond, unfolding my legs and dangling them off the bed.

"How was your session with Dr Nichols?" She asks, taking a seat on her bed opposite me.

"Same old." I say, standing up and grabbing a jumper although it's a bit of a habit - when someone starts speaking about a topic I don't particularly want to discuss, I'll busy myself to try and get them to stop.

"I see." Emma knows not to push. "Well, are you up for meeting the others for lunch?" She asks and I nod. By others she means Leo Roth, Dash Hosney, Kara Souders and Jordi Palacios. Fellow members of what we like to call The Red Band Society. Not everything about living in a hospital is bad because living here is sort of like going to boarding school. You have a lot of rules, but a lot of freedom. And if you get in trouble, I mean, how bad can it be? You're already in a hospital but here's the weird thing: you become friends with kids that you would never know in a million years. Losers, populars, stoners, nerds...the walls just kind of fall down. I've never really had any friends because I never attended school but I know if I did, none of the people I've met here would fit that criteria.

When you're a kid in the hospital, you have the place wired. Back hallways, service elevators They can't watch you 24 hours a day. So you have kind of a freedom you could never have at home or at school. You're everywhere and that means we get to have more fun.

Without The Red Band Society I'd probably be more depressed than I am, skinnier than I am; more sleep deprived than I already am and I don't know...maybe without them I'd be dead. Who knows.

Everyone thinks that when you go to a hospital, life stops. But it's really the opposite. Life starts.

* * *

 **So this is the start of my RBS/SPN crossover and I do want to get a few things straight.**

 **\- My OC character Alexandra 'Alex' Winchester is the daughter of John Winchester and the half sister to Sam and Dean Winchester.**

 **\- I'm not going to be following the events of SPN simply because this will mainly be RBS based but as this story goes on they'll be more involvement from the Winchester brothers.**

 **\- This is set early Season 1 for RBS and during the time Dean is in hell for SPN.**

 **\- I made up Dr Nichols as Alex's therapist → I don't know why I just did so yeah.**

 **Let me know of anything else you'd like cleared up!  
**

 **~ Rachel :) xx**


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